“Can you talk dirty right now?”
I heard the words come through the other side of my outdated Blackberry and immediately, my jaw dropped.
Wesley had been away for a couple of days on vacation with his family in New Hampshire and the harsh distance in the second week of our brand new relationship was driving us mad.
We had been accustomed to seeing each other pretty much everyday and although pleasure was never the focal point of our meet-ups, it always seemed to occur. In an attempt to keep other engaged, we constantly texted throughout the day and talked on the phone at night. We were able to continue getting to know each other and expand our mental and emotional attachment to one another, but sex was the difficult part. What were we going to do about the sex that we obviously couldn’t have because of the two-hundred-and-something miles in between our physical selves?
Well, we agreed that sexting would definitely be a part of the equation. It was sexy and creative—plus, we could do it from home or at work without anyone knowing. I was good at sexting, so when Wesley suggested phone sex during one of our late-night calls, I wasn’t really sure what to do. The comfort in texting dirty is that you can think about it for a moment, write it out and then send it. It’s not immediate. There’s a thought process involved, but when you’re on the phone that process is shortened, and I wasn’t sure how I could vocalize my desires on demand.
“You can just say yes or no,” he said, knowing that the privacy in my house was extremely limited, especially since I share a room with my sister. But since it was 11:30 on a Sunday night, I figured my chances of being overheard were slim since my family would probably be sleeping. I double checked my apartment, like the paranoid person that I am, before using my “sexy” voice and breathily saying into the phone, “Yeah…I can talk dirty to you baby.”
As the initiator, he set up the story for us: it was next week when he would be arriving back from vacation, and I’d be outside of his apartment, waiting for him in a nice little dress with nothing underneath. We then proceeded to have phone sex, which could’ve been a complete awkward disaster, but was surprisingly very, very hot. I was very turned on to know that I was able to get Wesley off by simply vocalizing what I wanted to do to him. And it wasn’t just pleasurable for him; I enjoyed myself quite a bit as well.
By the end of the phone call, I felt like our relationship was on a different level. We trusted each other enough to share out loud what we would do to one another if we were in the same room and to pleasure ourselves during the vocalization of those feelings. It let me know that we’re comfortable with one another, we’re both willing to try new things and that we have such an intense want for one another, which will certainly play out once we are reunited.
For all of you who temporarily have your special someone far away, here are my non-expert, solely-based-on-experience, tip
1. Let each other know how much you want one another. I love it when I get a text from Wesley letting me know that he misses me and that he wants me. It’s short, sweet and honest.
2. Sexting is the next step, or at least it was for me. You miss one another, now what? Write it out—be creative, kinky and quick and don’t hold back!
3. While sexting really allows you to let out your inner erotica writer, be aware of the language you’re using. Sexting is all about being dirty, not medical, so avoid the technical terms like “vagina” and “penis.” Unless you’re sexting about a doctor/patient situation, avoid textbook terms and stick to the more vulgar words.
Visuals! Of course, visuals depend very much on how much you trust the other person. If you do, it can be such a turn-on. Pictures don’t have to be high-quality or have great lighting to get you in the mood. I know people say that men are visual creatures so they’ll greatly benefit from any image, but I think that reciprocation is extremely important in this case. Show me yours and I’ll show you mine.
5. Talk dirty on the phone! This greatly depends on your ability to carry on a sexy conversation with one another and think on the spot, but if you’re willing to give it a shot, I highly recommend it. It’s more intimate than sexting and really allows you to take your sexual relationship to a new level. Just make sure you have good reception!
Now pick up that phone and get to work.