Sexy Stuff Aside from Sex

Say that you’re feeling a little frisky—but certain circumstances are preventing you from transitioning from feeling sexy to actually having sex. Perhaps you’re not feeling comfortable down there and not well groomed or you’re on your period, or maybe you’re like me, and are recovering from a UTI and are paranoid to do anything until you finish your antibiotics. Whatever the case may be, I am a firm believer that you can get a little down and dirty, without having to go all the way.

Remember those days before sex was the main goal?

Think about when you were a virgin and what you would do with boys (and maybe girls) before you decided to give up your v-card. And all the dates leading up to when you actually decided to share your body completely with the person you were dating. All of those activities can be fun and frisky.

So, if you’re feeling sexual but not in the mood to have sex, here are some alternatives to keeping things heated up:

1. Give him a freebie. Usually, I’m very much into reciprocation. Not that I keep track (or do I?) Regardless, every once in a while it’s nice to show your partner that you care so much about their pleasure, that you’re willing to please them, even though you don’t want to (or can’t) participate. They will soak it all up.

2. Cuddle. Snuggle. Spoon. Canoodle. Whatever you want to call it—just do it. This activity often occurs post-sex, but it doesn’t have to. While cuddling really gives you a great sense of intimacy, it can also be incredibly sexy. Who knows, it may just lead to other things (see above.)

3. Rub each other down. I love, love, love massages. They’re stress relieving and so damn sensual. So keep your clothes on, or take ‘em off and massage him, and let him massage you. If you want, grab some lotion or oil to make the process a little smoother and get ready to relax.

4. Make out. Seems simple, right? But think about it—how long do you usually kiss someone before heading straight to other things? Kissing is one of my favorite things ever (really, it is) and I think sometimes it gets forgotten about when other parts of your body are the main focus. Pretend you’re back in high school, put on some music, and just kiss. You won’t regret it, I promise.

5. Take a steamy shower. Showering with someone can be lots of fun and really intimate at the same time. There’s something about getting clean that makes it kind of dirty. It’s a small space so you’re very close in proximity, which immediately makes it even sexier. You can scrub one another and wash each other off. Just thinking about it makes me want to sneak off and shower…

6. DIY. If you’re not feeling up for being naked in front of somebody else, then you don’t have to be. Doesn’t mean the pleasure has to stop. Remember, your partner isn’t the only one who can please you—you can do it too! Get some new batteries for your vibrator, or do it old-school and use your own hands and get down to business. This way, you’re in complete control of everything.

It’s easy to get caught up in the sex—especially if it’s passionate, powerful and pleasurable.  But just like there’s more to your relationship than sex, there’s more to being sexual than simply having sex. If you happen to be feeling a little funky, remember, you don’t have to have sex—but there are things you can do that are just as fun and satisfying if you’re up for it.