Confession: I have never really been someone’s “girlfriend.”
The only relationship that I’ve ever been in, occurred during the summer between my junior and senior year of high school. I’m using “relationship” loosely in this particular case, because in reality, it was far from it. The boy, let’s call him John, was a bit older than me and as a young and naïve 16 year old, I fell for his rhymes and reasons, as well as what I perceived to be wisdom. I had my first kiss with John, got drunk for the first time with him (hence why I still avoid Vodka to this day) and after a few weeks, decided I couldn’t tolerate him or his sloppy kisses and broke up with him.
I haven’t had a boyfriend since.
Wesley on the other hand, has constantly been dating or in relationships. Whereas he’s brought home a handful of girls home, I have only brought home two boys (him included). He’s been in love and the only boy I’ve ever loved is my nephew. Clearly, the two of us have had very different experiences when it comes to relationships, hence my hesitation and fear of committing to being in one.
It got me thinking…if Wesley and I were going out together, sleeping together, meeting each others’ friends and family and thinking about one another all the time without an official title, would it make any difference if there were one? Though he already knew how I felt about the topic and emphasized that there was no rush to make anything official, I expressed my concern to him one evening after a really rough day at work.
“Well,” he said while stroking my hair, “I’m not gonna lie…some things do change, but a lot of it stays the same. Most of the difference is in how other people view our relationship.” I nodded as he smoothed my curls behind my ear. I had never been so comfortable just laying on a bed and simply being with another person. I thought about it for a moment: why was I so afraid to be someone’s girlfriend? Yes, the title itself is intimidating—it carries so much weight. Behind the ten letters is a promise. A promise to commit, to share, to be honest, to please, to care for, to love and to cherish this other person – and that terrified me.
But was it really any different from what I was doing now with Wesley?
I looked up at him intently for a moment as he lay on top of me, “What?” he asked, completely unsure of what my gaze meant.
“Ask me,” I softly demanded.
“Ask you what?” His face scrunched up in confusion. I laughed and told him again, this time more confidently. “Just, ask me.”
It took a moment for him to fully process and understand my request, but when he did, those green eyes of his lit up and his smile took over his face.
“Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked. I could barely contain my smile as I nodded and replied, “I would love to be your girlfriend.” I grabbed his neck and pulled him towards me, kissing him enthusiastically. After a few moments, Wesley pulled back and looked at me.
“Now you ask me,” he said firmly. I laughed.
“Wesley Samson, would you do me the honor of being my boyfriend?” I asked sarcastically but genuinely at the same time.
“I’d love to,” he said and proceeded to kiss me—and even though I knew that it was the same mouth as before, the pressure from his kiss was suddenly more passionate and more intimate than before.
But I guess that’s how boyfriends kiss their girlfriends.