Did They Really Unfriend Me?

June 20, 2012 Drew Bell

People can unfriend you for a variety of reasons, but where does the line get drawn between rational and over-dramatic? In the rational world of unfriending, there is a variety of understandable reasons why you should dismiss a once beloved friend. But, my beef is with the over-dramatic world of unfriending where a person makes rash decisions that leave you asking, “Did they really unfriend me?”

Case in point, I have a friend who recently got engaged to her boyfriend. One of her friends got mad at her because she had to find out about the engagement on Facebook. Her friend told her that she only wanted “real” friends in her life and then deleted her. Now, call me crazy, but I find that reaction slightly extreme.

We all find out about engagements, pregnancies, deaths, illnesses, break-ups, and make-ups online. That’s its purpose. It keeps us updated on each other’s lives. So, why lash out on a friend for using Facebook as their form of communication?

Another example of over-dramatic unfriending: I once knew this girl who was in this complicated on and off again relationship with a guy. One night, he told her that he wanted to stop seeing her. She was upset, of course, but not as upset as when she saw on Facebook that he changed his status to “in a relationship.” The girl started to text me asking if we could meet up for a beer and talk. Now, I wasn’t her biggest fan, but I figured it was the “nice thing to do” so I said yes. We met up and I listened to her talk for hours about her ex and gave the best advice I could.

Later that night, she texted me thanking me so much for being there for her and that she really appreciated it. Well, two weeks later, I get a text from a mutual friend that said, “Rachel, unfriended me!” I asked, “Why?” The text back, “Because I told her she was just upset that her ex found someone before she did.” I literally said, “Oh snap!” out loud. Now, curiosity stepped in. I checked my own Facebook page and guess what? That bitch unfriended me as well.

I guess I was being too “real” of a friend to her. Remember, the Facebook game of politics can invade your real-life world. These over-dramatic unfriendings can cause a serious damage to friendships. Now, everyone else will have to walk on egg shells around them. Making sure they don’t say or do the wrong thing that would justify them from being deleted. And, who wants to be associated with someone like that?

Facebook is not end-all, be-all of friendships. It’s a tool that helps us connect to people. When you unfriend someone, you should already have cut ties with them in the non-digital world and pressing delete is the final step, not your first step.

v

I recently got cut off by a male friend, I am female, we had known eachother for two years and worked together for a while, i thought we had a friendship connection as he told me about his divorce and about a few other personal issues in his life. We kept talking over the past couple of years, had a few laughs, etc, until he started pulling away little by little, he played the hot and cold game often with me. which i left him alone and would only contact him to see ow he was doing once in a while because i cared for my friend, but then i would notice little things he would do like leave me hanging for weeks on end during a conversation, never respond to my posts on facebook but would respond to everyone elses. he would always say he did not hate me but that he was just concentrating on himself for now, but what i seen was that he had the time to respond to everyone else but me.. I took the hints that he always left me over the course of a few months time and I called him on them. Told him like it was and told him what i really seen coming from him. which did not feel like friendship but like he was avoiding me. i asked him to be honest with me and let me know whether he still wanted to be friends or not and if not then i would leave him be but that i enjoyed being his friend and always have. he must have gotten very upset with me because he deleted me off facebook, emails, phone, etc. i dont know why he would have gone that far with this childish move, but the fact that he could have at least had the gutts to tell me by writing a note or giving me a heads up. i think he was really just using me this whole time that we knew eachother, using me when he needed a friend to talk to and vent about his lofe, using me to try and help him get a job, and when i needed a friend he would never be around. he ran hot and cold with me all the time and i got fed up with it and told him i did not enjoy being pushed and pulled even in a friendship relationship. its sad really because i really thought we had a friend connection and we could talk about anything, but obviously i skipped something along the way. i doubt he will ever come back but if he ever does realize he was an **s and it was never me i am not so willing to put my trust in him again, he messed that part up already when he treated me the way he did. I was always an ear and a friend for him. I am female and so I take frienship seriously, i dont believe in using friends but now i know he used me and then pushed me aside when he was done and when he chose not to be confronted by his actions. pathetic really and deff not a real man. we did have a little thing going when we first met but that never turned into anything but a quick fling and we remaind friends afterward for the two years. i thought maybe he had a girlfriend and if he did all he had to say was yes i do and i would leave him alone, but he always told me he never had a girlfriend. anyway, like i said. what a pathetic, childish way to show me that he no longer wants me in his life as a friend. I learned my lesson with him and he will never ever have my trust again.