Compliments & Confidence

“You are gorgeous!” A guy informs me as I walk past him on my way to work. I hear him through the music that softly blasts from my headphones and though I am taken aback, the compliment melts my uncaffeintated morning self and I find myself grinning at him and saying “Thank you!”

For the remainder of my walk through Hell’s Kitchen, I find myself bouncing through the streets of New York with a subtle smile on my face. Although I am not a fan of street-hollering, this exchange with a stranger has managed to brighten my day and make me feel just a little bit better about myself. I wonder, what is it about me today–do I look any different? Since I began dating Wesley, I have noticed a pattern–one that involves random compliments from unknown men. Growing up in NYC, it’s never been odd for men to creepily mutter or shout things at me as I walk in their general vicinity, in fact, it was a part of my daily reality, as it is for many women. This encounter, however, I felt was different—I didn’t find it to be crude or offensive, it was simply praise. And in the last couple of weeks, I had noticed that there had been an increase in these incidents.

I couldn’t help but wonder, did this have anything to do with me being in a relationship?

I am aware of how outrageous that claim sounds, but really, what I’m asking is: does a connection exist between how I’m feeling and how I look? Is there a mind-body connection that has shifted due to the fact that I am no longer single? I think perhaps there is, and maybe what it all comes down to is that c-word: confidence.

I’ve always felt that in the past, whenever I’ve been with a guy and had some sort of exclusivity is when I tend to show up on the radar of other males around me. It’s as if they know that I’m unavailable and that’s what they find appealing about me– even though my body is not any slimmer and curls aren’t any less crazy. Though my physical self does not change, my attitude does, and I carry myself with just a little bit more confidence because I’m comfortable with myself. And when I’m feeling confident, I feel sexier than ever, and I believe that’s what brings the boys to yard: confidence. 

This may sound a bit cliche, but I’m going to say it anyway; when someone is sure of themselves, their entire aura shifts. Confidence in oneself changes a person drastically–immediately, they’re easier to approach, more exciting to talk to and they just give off that vibe that makes you want to be around them. Though I believe that confidence should come from within, there is a little bit of validation in hearing from someone say,”You’re beautiful,” whether it’s your mom or your man.

I’ve always been skeptical when told by guys that confidence really makes a girl incredibly attractive. My main doubt has always been, does a silly little thing like confidence really change a person? Now, as I’m working, going out more and meeting lots of people, I am noticing that confidence isn’t silly at all, and that it truly has a magical ability to transform someone.

I feel that it’s somewhat transformed me, and only I can allow that to happen–no matter how many compliments or lack thereof. As a result, I am strutting around New York with a new-found attitude. Perhaps it does come from being in a new relationship, or maybe it’s because the city is so alive in the summer.

Or maybe, it’s just me–loving myself and everyone can see the difference.

If you’re in need of a confidence-boost, check out the following link with inspiring words that are bound to make you feel beautiful, inside and out.