About Those Three Little Words: I Love You

July 28, 2012 Drew Bell

“I love you.”

The short, three word sentence can make or break any relationship. The moment when we show all our cards, so to speak, and let our significant other know that you like them, you like them a lot. It can be great moment, we all want to hear that someone besides our parents love us. I mean, it’s us. We aren’t easy to love, but this person looked past all our weird traits and still embraces the person that we are.

It also can be the scariest moment in any new relationship, mainly because what if they don’t love you back?!?! There’s a gambit of emotions that you will possible feel in that moment: sad, embarrassed, depressed, shocked, or anger. All are valid but, how you do react if someone says, “I love you” to you?

Do you say it back even though you might not feel that way? Do you just smile and kiss them secretly pretending that they didn’t say it? Do you respond with an awkward word or one liner?

Words like “Thank you,” “Awesome!,” “Wow!,” “Okay,” or the worst – dead silence, the kind of silence that lingers and becomes the elephant in the room, the kind of silence where you mentally wish your cell phone would ring or beep or something, yeah that kind of silence. And in my opinion, that’s the worst reaction. If they don’t say anything and completely bypass it. I rather get humorous comment or even a negative response because then at least I know where they stand in the relationship.

Some people have a rule to never be the first one to say those words. That the fear of even thinking of those words will poison them/their relationship, or the feeling of being vulnerable, to put it bluntly, freaks them the f*ck out. Again, a relatable fear, it’s scary to be the first one to put out your feelings without being 100% sure you’re going to get the response you what back.

Personally, I think this comes down to the relationship personality of the individual who wants to drop the “I love you” bomb. If you’re the type of person who is cautious in relationships, then you’ll tend to not say it first unless ready to burst out of you. If you’re the type of person who is wears your heart on your sleeve, then you’ll tend to boldly say it first without fear of the reaction or response.

Whether you’re the one saying or you’re on the receiving end, you should always be honest. People find honesty overrated in relationships but it’s it the mature thing to do, right?

Trust your heart and throw caution to the wind, in the end, it might be the best thing you ever do.

Christie

Ugh those three little words can be so frustrating! I agree with you Drew, you have to just trust yourself and follow your heart at the end of the day.
Anonymous

I said those words first to my ex. Looking back I usually say those words first in the relationship, being that if i’m IN a relationship, finally, it’s because i’ve transcended the like to love within 5 minutes of knowing this person. But of course I wait the prescribed amount of time and just blurt out those words, like they’ve been released via Heimlich.

However, the day my ex broke up with me he said he had always been terrified to say those three words, that every time he had said them to me, he was scared and nervous. Not knowing if he’d meant them or what being in love was. That might be the single most hurtful thing anyone has ever said or done to me. I still can’t hear those words said, to me or anyone without having a sometimes violent visceral reaction, and/or humorous cynical one.

Either way, the point is this. Say it if you mean it, and ONLY if you mean it. Not because someone has said them to you, or the time has come in which you should.

Jury’s still out on whether or not i’ll ever say those words again to anyone. If i’ll ever be able to truly love anyone ever again. But I know this for sure, I’ll mean it and I certainly won’t be first. Ever. Again.